Part 1.

There I sat, holding the book of poems that I published over a year prior. Feelings of shame and guilt overwhelmed me as I realized that I found myself struggling with my mental health once again. I thought to myself "this is why I didn't want to tell the world about my struggles with mental health in the first place!" I remember telling God how I didn't want to go through with sharing my testimony because if I happened to struggle with anxiety, depression, or suicidal thoughts AFTER sharing with everyone how I overcame them, that I would be a hypocrite. Well for one, that thought process revealed how much more work I needed to do because I already had a defeated mindset because GIRL calm down!

(Back to the story)

But something about this time was different. Although I felt that I no longer had the strength that I had when I hit "send" for the final copy of my book, I didn't feel like I lost my hope like I had before.

See, when I had an encounter with My Heavenly Father leading up to creating "The Release: Dare to Think Big with God," He not only restored my mind, but He placed something in my heart and Spirit that I will never let go of. Something that I would carry with me through my next phase of growing in my faith. Something that I remind myself of day after day. That is not only knowing about, but truly trusting that I will spend the rest of eternity with Him. There are so many things that the world tries to offer, but there is nothing this world can offer that is worth not spending eternity with my Creator, my Abba Father.

Now, that is not to say that there aren't things that I may desire, but after experiencing the repercussions time after time of not making sure that my own desires align with God's desires for my life, I've learned to stay in a child's place LOL. No but in all seriousness, I'd rather answer God's call willingly than going kicking and screaming.

While currently navigating my true deliverance and healing that My Heavenly Father has so graciously given me, I am learning so much about El Roi's love for each of us. He never wanted us to experience the painful, breathtaking, heart-wrenching, life altering things that we have experienced. His plan for us was dominion, fruitfulness, and abundance...and it still is. But we live in a fallen world, so in order to live in God's true order for our lives, we must fight through weights, sin, bondage, principalities, powers, and spiritual wickedness in high places. This isn't a fight that we have to fight alone, nor should we try, because we'd never win fighting alone. We must fight with the Power of God's Holy Spirit, The Blood of Jesus, Our Banner, Our Lord of Hosts, The Almighty.

"The people who walked in darkness have seen a great light; Those who dwelt in the land of the shadow of death, Upon them a light has shined."

- Isaiah 9:2 NKJV

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